No one likes going to the bathroom — I’d imagine you, at most, have no strong opinions about it (if you do, in fact, take genuine joy out of going to the restroom, I’m not judging, per se, I’m just … politely asking why).
If you’re transgender or even just gender non-conforming, however, the bathroom becomes downright dreaded.
When discussions about recognizing transgender people as their identified gender come up, people are quick to share their concerns about trans people in bathrooms — particularly trans women (or potentially men pretending to be trans) in women’s bathrooms.
The concern can come from a good place — women do have reason to be nervous about the potential of men entering their spaces; male violence is all too common, and the fear of it is valid. However, here’s why directing these fears towards trans people isn’t the most helpful approach:
1. We don’t want to be there either
Speaking from the perspective of someone who is trans and knows other trans people, I can tell you that we’re just as scared of you as you are of us. It takes the world’s most well-passing, confident trans person to go to the bathroom of their identified gender with no fear of being ridiculed, questioned or harassed.
Sometimes, however, there’s no safe option. It’s hard to know what gender people are going to see you as at any given moment, and there’s a chance you’re going to look out of place in either one.
That’s why a lot of us prefer to use gender-neutral bathrooms, if given the option, even if we don’t identify as non-binary (like I do). Gender-neutral bathrooms aren’t always available or accessible, however, leaving us to just hold it in.
2. Those signs don’t mean anything
Look, I do understand the fear of men starting to prey on women if you start blurring the lines of who’s allowed where. But I’m sorry to report that there was never anything stopping men from entering women’s bathrooms.
There’s no bouncer at the bathroom door checking everyone’s chromosomes as they walk in — anyone can enter whatever bathroom. Dangerous men don’t need to pretend to be trans to get into a bathroom; why would a predator be perfectly fine breaking the law but draw the line at ignoring a sign on a door?
3. Efforts to exclude trans people hurt everyone
I know by now you can probably guess my stance on whether transgender people should be respected as their self-identified gender. Yes, I believe that trans people are the gender they say they are — but I honestly don’t care if you feel the same.
What I care about is that trans people, as all people do, have a right to privacy. And trying to specifically exclude trans people from bathrooms will result in gross invasions of privacy for everyone.
The fact is, you can’t always tell who’s trans and not trans just by looking at them. How, then, are you meant to ensure that trans people don’t enter bathrooms? Genital checks at the door of every restroom?
Should trans people get some sort of visible identifier that notifies everyone that, yes, they are transgender? Sounds… dystopian.
The only solution is that you start judging people based on their appearance; women must look a certain way, and those who are too masculine are accused of being trans. Haven’t we just circled back to harming women by trying to protect them?
If a person enters a women’s bathroom, goes into a stall, does her business and leaves without bothering anyone — what harm is there in her being there, even if you think she doesn’t “look” like a woman?
Being a part of the trans community, I’m so unbelievably sick of these moral panics about trans people in bathrooms. And it’s not (just) because it promotes the marginalization of trans people, it’s because it’s so overdone. I’m bored. Come up with something new to get mad at us over.
I just don’t like spending my time thinking about the bathroom; I don’t love using the bathroom — so can we stop obsessing about who’s peeing where? Honestly, at what point do we make all bathrooms single-stall and gender-neutral? If that were the standard, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
For now, though, I’ll just keep being chronically dehydrated. It’s working for me so far.
