Welcome back to Lilly’s Hot Takes! If you haven’t been here before, my name is Lilly, and I love sharing my controversial opinions. Let’s jump in.
The hot take of the week? Green apple is the best Jolly Rancher flavor.
Out of the five traditional Jolly Rancher flavors (green apple, watermelon, grape, cherry and blue raspberry) there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that green apple is the best.
The green apple Jolly Rancher walks the perfect line of not too sweet but not sour, making it the perfect hard candy.
Don’t get me wrong, the watermelon is good, but the rest? Ugh. Cherry feels so overdone. Basically every type of candy has a cherry flavor, and it’s so rarely done well. Too sweet, too artificial, I really could do without it.
And please, don’t even get me started on the grape flavored Jolly Rancher. Those who know me know that I cannot stand anything grape flavored, especially Jolly Ranchers, simply because I don’t enjoy drinking cough syrup.
If you like the taste of artificial and bitter medicine, I won’t try to convince you it’s disgusting because that just means they’ll be more normal tasting candy left for the rest of us. I have so much more to say about anything grape flavored, but I guess I should save that for another week.
So, for my full Jolly Rancher Ranking? Let’s do this Dance Mom Pyramid style (if you know, you know).
Coming in at number one, I have green apple. Green apple is the true underdog of the bunch. You may not expect it to be good at first glance, but those who’ve tried it know it’s unbeatable.
At number two, I have watermelon. She’s cute, she’s pink, and she’s not too sweet. Watermelon is the perfect alternative when all the green apple is gone.
My third place goes to blue raspberry. Other than the overly sweet taste, there’s really nothing to really say about blue raspberry. Nothing new, nothing notable, it’s mid.
At number four, we have Cherry. Cherry walks the line of too sweet and tasting like kids medicine. Are we really gaining anything from this overdone flavor? I’m not impressed, I feel like we can do better.
Finally, in last place, we have Grape. Grape is the perfect decoration, adding a pop of color to any space. That, of course, is because NOBODY EVER TAKES IT. It’s too sweet, yet somehow bitter, tastes so incredibly artificial, it’s straight up cough syrup. It hits every quadrant of grossness, just simply terrible.
I guess I’ll end this with a little note. If you don’t agree with me on this one, that is absolutely fine! Green apple Jolly Rancher drop off can be found in room 135, just write my name on the bag!
